dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize