Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
