I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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