i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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