I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
