I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
