I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
