At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
