I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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