why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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