in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
