The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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