if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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