if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
