hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
