I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
