Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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