I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you never un-have a 4some
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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