She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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