girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
