I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
