were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
