I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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