She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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