On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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