My sheets look like a crime scene.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You are a genius and a whore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
