I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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