how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
