oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
