It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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