we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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