i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Text me some of your sweat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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