He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You pole danced in your parka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
