idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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