I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
