I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish I only lived at night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
