Swine flu. Run for my life!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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