Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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