i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
