Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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