ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
only if we run a train.
done.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
