while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
