Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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