why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
