do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize