Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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