Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are we still banned from the library?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
