You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
