No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
