My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
