I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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