no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
