WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
