We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
