Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
