You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Banned from zoo.
Again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
