im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize