Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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