end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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