I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
