We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
