Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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