She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
