Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do herpes really smell.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
