You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
