I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
