I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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