i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
