just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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