What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
