I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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