i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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