Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
