He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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