I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
