He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BRING THE BAGELS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
