i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
