I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
