Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
