while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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