I smell stomach acid.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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