The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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