Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
