Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
