She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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