Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
