just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize