Ambien. No doubt about it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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