Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
