You really coming over, don't trick.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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