I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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