he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
