remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
