You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
