Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
