just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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