Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
