shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
