he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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