I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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