I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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