honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
