I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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