I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
