wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
