He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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