Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
