Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
