Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
