...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
