I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
