We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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