I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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