My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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