After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
