Got a toothbrush?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
