So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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