I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
