i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
