Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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