Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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