I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize